Options
by Cheryl W
Summary: This is kind of an alternative universe in the fact that Qui-Gon survives his battle with Darth Maul. This story picks up after Episode I as Obi-Wan contemplates his options for his future.


Title: Options  
  
By: Cheryl Witman (witty@epix.net)  
  
Summary: This is kind of an alternative universe in the fact that Qui-Gon survives his battle with Darth Maul. This story picks up after Episode I as Obi-Wan contemplates his options for his future.  
  
Ratings: PG  
  
Disclaimer: Star Wars does not belong to me nor is any copyright infringement intended. No profit is made on this writing.  
  
  
  
  
Today I will be knighted. Funny how this day, this event which I have dreamed of and worked so hard for is now unwelcome. I walk closer to the darkside right now than even my nightmares could concoct. Hatred, bitterness and vengeance tear though my soul like a sandstorm, blasting away all my defenses of light.  
  
I have walked the path of light for twenty four years and what has been my reward?! Humiliation, defeat, physical agony, sorrow, loneliness, and the scars of the unloved. And now I have two new rewards to add to the tally: betrayal and abandonment. Rewards like these I could have avoided if only my parents hadn't given me to the Jedi temple, or had I truly been assigned to the Agri-Corps ranks, or if I hadn't begged and then accepted Jinn's offer of apprenticeship. But even having made those choices, there were still numerous times I could have died in these ten years as an apprentice... I could have even let Bruck kill me instead of the other way around. But no, fate has been cruel enough to bring me to this point.  
  
I now stand at the door to enter the great hall to be knighted. I have options...options only I am required to make. Qui-Gon is no longer my master, my instructor, my critic or keeper. His "wisdom", his "guidance", and his opinions mean nothing to me now even if he were present to bestow them on me.  
  
I thank the force that Jinn is not here, will not be here, that his health prevents him from attending. I do not wish to lay eyes on the man ever again, certainly not here, not now. In fact, I haven't laid eyes on him since he was taken to the medical ward on Naboo. I left him without a backward glance, without a regret in my heart.....just as he left me.  
  
My options lie before me still: I could walk away now, could denounce this "honor", could scour off every aspect of Jedi from my soul. Or I could step over that line to darkness that every Jedi fights. Or I could step through the doors, bow before the council and become a knight.  
  
Suddenly Yoda appears beside me and I feel as if my very soul is bare to him. He knows my turmoil. I can see it in his wise face, his understanding eyes. I'm already flinching at the lecture I know he will hail down on me. But I am stunned by his silence, at his void of wisdom. It is then that I realize that he knows the truth. It is my choice, my life I lead now. The decision is mine and mine alone.  
  
In truth I know I have but two choices, have had only two choices my whole life. "If you are not for the light, you are for the dark" is a principle that I have believed with my whole soul. Naively I never thought I would be faced with the reality of the choice. Light or Darkenss Run or Stay. Hide or Fight. Embrace the dark or uphold the light. Evil or Good.  
  
  
The doors of the great hall slowly swing open, the audience and the council members look to me. My choice, in the end, is made without struggle or doubt. I have seen evil, I have witnessed death and endured agony of body and soul. The darkness, though I presently tread the emotions of that pave it's path, is a place I can not go, can never go. My thoughts may run evil, but my heart never will. I will become a knight, not because it is glorious or easy or rewarding. I will become a knight because it is the embodiment of all that I believe in, all that I am at my core.  
  
In my life, I have defeated evil, defied death for others. I have made a difference. I have been a champion of the light. I will not stop helping people, I can not. It is not in me to ignore another's pain.   
  
Finally, I have found the strength and courage that I have sought for so long. This victory, this path is of my own design. I have passed the final test. At long last, I am not at fate's mercy but it is at mine.  
  
  
The End 


End file.
